#500 – hypoxia

“hypoxia”

I

am sorry

I silenced myself

 

cut off my own air

like there was nothing

I wanted to say

 

I didn’t follow directions

 

kept giving you

the emergency drop-down oxygen first

 

then scrambling

in hypoxia

to locate mine

 

 

Posted in Adult Child, Childhood Trauma, Co-dependence, Healing, Marriage, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#499 – “no broom”

“no broom”

 

I broke myself

 

leaned over too far

forgot to hold on to myself

and lost my balance

 

and on the way down

I wondered

if the landing would be soft

 

but it wasn’t

and I shattered into pieces

that went everywhere

 

and you didn’t have a broom

and neither

did I

 

Posted in Co-dependence, Guilt, Marriage, Poetry, Separation, Spouse, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

#498 – “couple things”

“couple things”

 

yesterday

I felt like I was drowning

in God’s idea

of a lesson

 

today

I’m swimming a little smarter

and a little closer to the surface

 

perhaps God

does know a couple things

 

Posted in Acceptance, Change, God, Healing, Lessons, Life, Pain, Perseverance, Poetry, Recovery, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Worth, Shame, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#497 – 2 haiku

2 haiku

 

new depths, new creatures

on the ocean floor where my

inner children live

 

weight like earth and stone

molested roots silent, sick

I can’t dig alone

 

 

 

Posted in Adult Child, Anguish, Childhood Trauma, Complex PTSD, Grieving, Haiku, Healing, Incest Recovery, Inner Child, Poetry, Recovery, Therapy, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#496 – “paths unflown”

“paths unflown”

 

I am sober today

like yesterday

and hopefully tomorrow

 

though my heart

and bones are aching now

from breath that’s dipped in sorrow

 

I reach

around the corner

to where life meets the unknown

 

where blackbirds

dance upon the air

in search of paths unflown

 

I should be better

I think

but I am frightened and ashamed

 

that I’m still lost

abandoned on this curb

hidden and unclaimed

 

Posted in Childhood Trauma, Complex PTSD, Depression, Despair, Fear, Incest Recovery, Inner Child, Poetry, PTSD, Recovery, Sobriety, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

#495 – “pearls and chains”

“pearls and chains”

 

such painful insights

pearls of freedom

bound in chains

of defeat

 

so many shadows

of anger

beneath

my lighted street

 

I hide

in corners

where toxic silence

lays down its seed

 

where dread

climbs at children

until their little souls

bleed

 

broken shards

of moonlight

finally come

to fell the day

 

and tiny hopes

crawl in beside my sleep

to coax

hard fears away

 

Posted in Anger, Anguish, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Despair, Inner Child, Poetry, PTSD, Rage | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

#494 – “absence”

“absence”

I am crazy

lost in a quantum mix

of silence

and rage

trying to touch

my weeping visions

speak past

my own absence

and violent fray

unable to reach

the broken child

beneath

the weight

of a broken day

 

I am stuck

inside

an acutely worn

and reverential

dread

that beyond

my tiny window

that looks out

upon my soul

I still see little

but the nightmares

that have always

swallowed

me whole

Posted in Anguish, Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Despair, Fear, Incest, Incest Recovery, Inner Child, Poetry, PTSD, Rage, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

#493 – “yesterday’s morass”

“yesterday’s morass”

 

I feel  angry

wretched

soiled

and alone

 

without breath

in my heart

or warmth

in my bone

 

I am godless

broken

from my childhood

like glass

 

shattered

in the muddy

heap

of yesterday’s morass

 

Posted in Anger, Childhood, Depression, Despair, Poetry, Self-Hatred, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

#492 – 3 haiku

3 haiku

 

my soul hoards the air

secretly fatigued beneath

pain ’s strict masquerade

 

 

in sweet darkness my

soul swims naked in raw pain

no one else can see

 

 

in the hard darkness

I pray not for light but just

for softer edges

 

Posted in Darkness, Haiku, Pain, Poetry | Tagged | 3 Comments

#491 – 3 Haiku

3 Haiku

 

it is lonely here

sleep broken, deserted; dreams

evaporating

 

 

home again; darkness

thick and matted; still ruling

my hidden spaces

 

 

depression; the room

I grew up in and escaped

still feels like my home

 

 

Posted in Darkness, Depression, Despair, Poetry | Tagged , , | 2 Comments