#500 – hypoxia



am sorry

I silenced myself


cut off my own air

like there was nothing

I wanted to say


I didn’t follow directions


kept giving you

the emergency drop-down oxygen first


then scrambling

in hypoxia

to locate mine



Posted in Adult Child, Childhood Trauma, Co-dependence, Healing, Marriage, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#499 – “no broom”

“no broom”


I broke myself


leaned over too far

forgot to hold on to myself

and lost my balance


and on the way down

I wondered

if the landing would be soft


but it wasn’t

and I shattered into pieces

that went everywhere


and you didn’t have a broom

and neither

did I


Posted in Co-dependence, Guilt, Marriage, Poetry, Separation, Spouse, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

#498 – “couple things”

“couple things”



I felt like I was drowning

in God’s idea

of a lesson



I’m swimming a little smarter

and a little closer to the surface


perhaps God

does know a couple things


Posted in Acceptance, Change, God, Healing, Lessons, Life, Pain, Perseverance, Poetry, Recovery, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Worth, Shame, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#497 – 2 haiku

2 haiku


new depths, new creatures

on the ocean floor where my

inner children live


weight like earth and stone

molested roots silent, sick

I can’t dig alone




Posted in Adult Child, Anguish, Childhood Trauma, Complex PTSD, Grieving, Haiku, Healing, Incest Recovery, Inner Child, Poetry, Recovery, Therapy, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#496 – “paths unflown”

“paths unflown”


I am sober today

like yesterday

and hopefully tomorrow


though my heart

and bones are aching now

from breath that’s dipped in sorrow


I reach

around the corner

to where life meets the unknown


where blackbirds

dance upon the air

in search of paths unflown


I should be better

I think

but I am frightened and ashamed


that I’m still lost

abandoned on this curb

hidden and unclaimed


Posted in Childhood Trauma, Complex PTSD, Depression, Despair, Fear, Incest Recovery, Inner Child, Poetry, PTSD, Recovery, Sobriety, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

#495 – “pearls and chains”

“pearls and chains”


such painful insights

pearls of freedom

bound in chains

of defeat


so many shadows

of anger


my lighted street


I hide

in corners

where toxic silence

lays down its seed


where dread

climbs at children

until their little souls



broken shards

of moonlight

finally come

to fell the day


and tiny hopes

crawl in beside my sleep

to coax

hard fears away


Posted in Anger, Anguish, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Despair, Inner Child, Poetry, PTSD, Rage | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

#494 – “absence”


I am crazy

lost in a quantum mix

of silence

and rage

trying to touch

my weeping visions

speak past

my own absence

and violent fray

unable to reach

the broken child


the weight

of a broken day


I am stuck


an acutely worn

and reverential


that beyond

my tiny window

that looks out

upon my soul

I still see little

but the nightmares

that have always


me whole

Posted in Anguish, Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Despair, Fear, Incest, Incest Recovery, Inner Child, Poetry, PTSD, Rage, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

#493 – “yesterday’s morass”

“yesterday’s morass”


I feel  angry



and alone


without breath

in my heart

or warmth

in my bone


I am godless


from my childhood

like glass



in the muddy


of yesterday’s morass


Posted in Anger, Childhood, Depression, Despair, Poetry, Self-Hatred, Trauma recovery | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

#492 – 3 haiku

3 haiku


my soul hoards the air

secretly fatigued beneath

pain ’s strict masquerade



in sweet darkness my

soul swims naked in raw pain

no one else can see



in the hard darkness

I pray not for light but just

for softer edges


Posted in Darkness, Haiku, Pain, Poetry | Tagged | 3 Comments

#491 – 3 Haiku

3 Haiku


it is lonely here

sleep broken, deserted; dreams




home again; darkness

thick and matted; still ruling

my hidden spaces



depression; the room

I grew up in and escaped

still feels like my home



Posted in Darkness, Depression, Despair, Poetry | Tagged , , | 2 Comments