#69 of 365 – “golden thread”

“golden thread”


I have a crippled appendage

that added years to how I drank


and shoveled my esteem

behind a cold and muddy bank


I have no value, save the dollars

I can make and save and spend


a bleeding hollow in my spirit

that I alone can’t seem to mend


she is buying Christmas presents

for the children online


while I sit by her side,

broke and smiling and benign


I feel sick,

green and swampy inside


resentful of the shame

I am so desperate to hide


I am low on gratitude

and have precious few moments of grace


when I feel my time beneath the stars

has been worthy of embrace


but I am trying to see my assets

and hold them up for trade


not for coins, but for the golden thread

of silent accolade


About Blackbird

Poet, sculptor, jewelry maker, writer, spouse, parent, crazy person - not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Addiction, esteem, Money, Poetry, Self-Worth and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to #69 of 365 – “golden thread”

  1. SassyD says:

    #69–“golden thread”
    I have been where you are at Christmas time–no money to give to those I love.
    It is absolutely excruciating. In our culture, so much emphasis on buying. One friend suggested to me– give all you have–your love— in the form of a creative gift–a poem, write a letter, let each person know what they mean –acknowledge them. That worked. People were surprised and moved. I felt really fulfilled.

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