#126 of 365 – “repose”

“repose”

 

I don’t feel well at all today

I feel wrong and distorted

 

misshapened as if my spirit

somehow got mangled and contorted

 

I can’t seem to find a patch of ground

without rocks or broken glass

 

and my insides feel twisted

and stepped on and smashed

 

I want so much to know the divineness

of soft grass between my toes

 

want to watch my blessings fall free

from my poetry and prose

 

and lie beneath the sun and naked moon

inside of God’s repose

 

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About Blackbird

Poet, sculptor, writer, spouse, parent, crazy person - not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Depression, Faith, God, Poetry, Recovery and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to #126 of 365 – “repose”

  1. pi314chron says:

    Merle, this is one of my favorites! I’ll confess that the first four stanzas are mildly depressing but I see them as a necessary “point” to the counterpoint of the magical last three stanzas. The first four stanzas can be seen as “Man’s lost condition without God,” while the last three stanzas seem almost a prayer for oneness with Nature and oneness with God. Remarkable! (Please forgive the overt “religious” nature of this comment. I get like this from time to time!) Finally, what do you think about this minor change in stanza five:

    “I want so much to know the divinity of grass between my toes” ??

    Ron

    • Blackbird says:

      Thanks so much Ron! I like the change, except that I want the double entendre of divineness. Divinity is solely related to religion/spirituality/mysticism…which is fine…but I want it also to mean just simply wonderful. The reader can put whatever meaning they want to it – but I want the meaning open to interpretation.

      Thanks again…I really appreciate your analysis – so glad it’s one of your favs!

      • pi314chron says:

        Merle, I understand but don’t feel in any way that the phrase “divinity of grass” argues for a religious, spiritual, or mystic connotation or that the average reader will understand it in that way. I didn’t discuss a strong secondary objection that I have to “divineness” is simply that the word hasn’t been in common usage since the time of the Middle Ages, between the 12th and 15th centuries. It is a VERY rare usage, now replaced simply by “divine.” But I won’t quibble with the author’s word choice anymore.

        Except to point out that “lay” should be “lie” in the final stanza! *g*

        Ron

      • Blackbird says:

        Oops! Guess I missed that day. 😉 Fixed the “lay/lie.” Thanks! Gotta stick with “divineness” though. For me “divinity” just doesn’t lead into the tactile sensation I’m trying for. Don’t hate me…I kinda like “divineness.” It’s odd and reminiscent of “oooh this feels simply divine!” As far as it not being used since the Middle Ages…well, perhaps I was born in the wrong century. Or, perhaps I was born in both centuries…if you believe in that sort of thing. 😉

  2. pi314chron says:

    Silly, lovable girl! I don’t hate you. You are right to use the word you like and feel is best. I just wouldn’t use an ancient word that is likely to put a stumbling block in the reader’s path. It IS an odd word, though, no argument there! You say, “It’s odd and reminiscent of “oooh this feels simply divine!” Then why not USE the word “divine” as in:

    “I want so much to know the divine satin

    of grass between my toes”

    Or replace “satin” with “softness” or the word of your choice.

    No need to reply here, Hon. It’s your poem. Take my comments for what they’re worth…and what they cost you!

    Ron

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