#240 of 365 – “precipice”

“precipice”

 

I feel incapable

sometimes

of breathing

soul into my days

 

uneasy

on the precipice

of bewildering

malaise

 

claws of regret

reach from the darkness

to fold my hours

‘round the past

 

and keep me living

in the atrophy

of undone

plans and tasks

 

I want to disappear

that part of me

whose talks with God

are small and lean

 

and drop the satchel

filled with heavy stones

of sin and thoughts

unclean

 

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About Blackbird

Poet, sculptor, writer, spouse, parent, crazy person - not necessarily in that order.
This entry was posted in Anxiety, Depression, God, Hope, Poetry, Recovery, Regret and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to #240 of 365 – “precipice”

  1. Starralee says:

    Oh WOWZA. Every phrase is frighteningly perfect.

  2. pi314chron says:

    Totally an opinion — but to me the poem is stronger without the last two stanzas which take on the aspect of “religious” afterthought. They contribute these two thoughts: (1) I want to pray more (2) I want to be cleansed of my sins and unclean thoughts. Worthy aspirations but they sound a faltering note in an otherwise excellent poem. This will be my last even mildly critical comment to ANYONE. I’m no longer comfortable with “open venue” criticism, even if well-intentioned and possibly helpful. Too much risk for too little gain…

    • Blackbird says:

      I have to admit I’m not as thick skinned as I’d like to be….but that said…I don’t necessarily want to pray “more”…I just want a connection that feels stronger…to disappear that part of me that feels so incredibly alone…which I imagine has more to do with me than anything. And yes, I would like to be free of the baggage I carry about myself — those are the “sins” and “unclean thoughts” I’m speaking of…the I’m not worthy to breathe air or I haven’t done sh*t with my life thoughts. They’re not afterthoughts, but more like…the first four stanzas are where I am when I’m in that place…and the last two are where I want to be when I’m in that place. I need them there, if only to leave a crack in the door of progress.

      And even though I’m not thick skinned, I still always appreciate hearing from you. 🙂

      • pi314chron says:

        “take on the ASPECT of religious afterthought” — take on the APPEARANCE of religious afterthought. I prefaced my comments by saying that they were my opinions. I stand by them but see no value in debating the issue. Your comment above and this one of mine convince me more strongly than ever of the wisdom of my decision NOT to engage in open-venue criticism. It will be better that way.

        Ron

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