#453 – 4 haiku

4 haiku

 

gusts of memory

knock me off balance; then the

raw stillness of grief

 

I wanted more time

I promise I would have called

and come to see you

 

 

I still can’t fathom

you not there; I wanted to

stop by tomorrow

 

 

the starless night sky

rain and empty darkness like

something is missing

 

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Posted in Brother, Death, Grieving | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

#452 – “memory’s rain”

“memory’s rain”

 

I fold up

my recollections

try to fit them

into the hour

but they spread

like water

spilled

from a glass

flowing

across the surface

trickling

down the edgeless day

until drops

have gotten

everywhere

impossible

to contain —

there is no moment

unwetted

by memory’s

rain

 

Posted in Brother, Death, Family, Grieving, Healing, Memories, Memory, Poetry, Time | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#451 – “reverie”

“reverie”

 

and still

each tomorrow

brings

thoughts

of yesterday

caught

in a reverie of

too much

time

 

to wait

for a later

that never would

come

and a plan

for things

to do

that never got

done

 

Posted in Brother, Death, disappointment, Grieving, Poetry, Procrastination | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

#450 – “wounded day”

“wounded day”

 

stuck again

inside tremors

of sadness

and shock

 

a nightmare hall

with no windows

or doors

to unlock

 

I walk

on a gravel

of unwanted

change

 

on a new path

that feels

otherworldly

and strange

 

the air

thick with memories

and loss

and despair

 

my moods

split and ragged

with the grief

that I wear

 

the hours seem

a recurring loop

of disbelief

and dismay

 

all while 

bright shards

of sun

slice the wounded day

 

Posted in alcoholism, Brother, Change, Death, Despair, Family, Grieving, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#449 – “smooth stone”

“smooth stone”

 

I sit

as a sharp despair

swallows the moment,

your absence,

like a Winter

refusing

the Spring,

rips

through the hour

and into the night

like water

creasing

the smooth stone

of time’s

reprieve

till it’s grooved

and worn down

by the memories

I grieve.

 

Posted in Brother, Death, Despair, Family, Grieving, Memories, Poetry, Sibling, Time | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

#448 – 4 haiku

4 haiku

 

inadequacy

surfaces again; I am

a disappointment

 

marriage hurts sometimes

a room of mirrors that show

only your worst self

 

 

when is love enough

to erase the discontent

disagreement leaves

 

 

I no longer love

who I’ve become in her eyes

how then, can she still?

 

 

Posted in Anger, Anxiety, disappointment, Growth, Guilt, Marriage, Pain, Regret, Shame | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

#447 – 2 haiku

2 haiku

 

a sudden snowfall

laying cold waste to the day

grief descends again

 

 

you’d have loved today

its beauty, a struggle

I could not escape

 

Posted in Anguish, Brother, Death, Grieving, Healing, Poetry, Snow | Leave a comment

#446 – old shoes

“old shoes”

 

it saddens me

that my grieving

has allowed

the laughter in

as if suddenly

you’re not missed

like a pair

of thrown out

old shoes

or a balled up scrap

of faded print

from yesterday’s

news

 

I’m not sure

how to navigate

your absence

anymore

now that the trauma

has subsided

and the disbelief

has spilled

and the tremors

of confusion

have finally

stilled

 

I walk

beneath

a hollow sunshine

beating

down

the days

and where

my tears fell

there’s nothing

but a dried out

malaise

 

 

Posted in Broken Heart, Brother, Change, Death, Grieving, Life, Mortality, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#445 – 1 haiku

1 haiku

 

heart flares in anger

I pray for serenity

as I watch the news

Posted in America, Anger, Poetry | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

#445 – “bare”

“bare”

 

I don’t function well

in marriage

the wrong words come out

or none come at all

I go silent

absent in the face

of distress

and I’m hopeless

unhandy

with what the day

brings

useless

with no passion

or happiness

to share,

just a dark

road

that strips

all warmth

and trust

bare

 

 

Posted in Addict Behavior, Anxiety, Cowardice, love, Marriage, Poetry, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth, Trust | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment